Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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