is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
