So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
