I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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