tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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