I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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