That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
