Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
