If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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