We won't sleep together?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
