Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
