Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
