it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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