Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
