and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
