your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
