worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
