Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize