He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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