Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
