i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
