Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
