I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
