As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
