If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
