You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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