how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
