Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
