Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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