ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didn't notice because vodka
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
