Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
