So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize