Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
