you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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