alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
