I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
