if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
