The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
