She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize