New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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