Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I checked into jail on foursquare
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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