Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
