Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
