I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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