I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
