How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
