I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
