Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
