I'm gonna have a badass scar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
