I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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