I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
