oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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