Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
