In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
