My first STD was from a foam party
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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