Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
