You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
