..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
