KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
