if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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