I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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