You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want nice things and good sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
