I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
being pregnant is like rehab
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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