It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
