yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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