; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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