No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
