i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
