can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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