THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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