marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought spray tan was a myth
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You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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