My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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