Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
