"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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