dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
