Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I want is dick and wine.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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