This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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