what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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