I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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