Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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