what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
