I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
