apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I AM VODKA MAN
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
