if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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