he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How naked do you want me to be?
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