it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
