listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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