I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
